The Mixed Legacy of Narcissistic Parents: Lessons, Impact, and Gratitude

This is an interesting question that I have never seen asked before. While the influence of narcissistic parents can be predominantly negative, there are still valuable lessons to be learned from their behavior and expectations. Let's explore the positive impacts and the enduring lessons imparted by a father who had a significant role in shaping my life.

Lessons from My Father and Right from Wrong

My father, despite not always living up to his own teachings, taught me some crucial lessons that have benefited me greatly throughout my life. First and foremost, he instilled in me a sense of right from wrong. While his attempts to maintain an “holier than thou” persona were more about projecting an image than genuine moral integrity, the underlying message was clear: one must distinguish between right and wrong, and act ethically.

The second invaluable lesson was work ethic. My father is one of the hardest workers I have ever met, and he tirelessly worked to demonstrate the value of hard work and perseverance. His teachings have played a key role in my success, even in the face of apparent failures.

Accountability, Manners, and Independence

Another significant aspect of my upbringing was the different standards my father set for me compared to my older, “golden child” brother. I was held accountable for my behavior, learning accountability and self-awareness at an earlier age. These qualities have served me well in various social contexts, from the workplace to my own business.

My father also taught me the importance of manners and civility. He instilled in me the need to show appreciation, which involved showing gratitude in the moment, sending thank-you notes, and being mindful of others. These teachings have made me a respectful guest and have helped me maintain strong relationships. My brother, on the other hand, was never taught these values, leading him to suffer from a lack of awareness in social spheres.

Education and Success

My education and success also stand as stark contrasts to my brother's. Due to higher expectations and the trauma bonding I experienced with my parents, I worked diligently to earn my Master’s Degree, whereas my brother, with his brotherly indulgences, only obtained an undergraduate degree. My education involved working two jobs to pay for it, and my achievements include owning several successful businesses, including a retail store, a private school, and a coaching business. I also freelance as a writer, proofreader, and editor, and I am an award-winning painter, though I have not had as much time for this art recently.

Despite my stricter upbringing, I managed to accumulate significant success in various fields, including entrepreneurial ventures and professional achievements. My brother, on the other hand, has struggled more, particularly after becoming a malignant narcissist and undergoing multiple divorces, which have had detrimental effects on his relationships and wellbeing.

Manual Skills and Independence

My father also taught me practical skills such as cleaning and cooking, which have made me independent and capable of paying forward these talents to others. Today, I often cook or bake for my guests and clean up after myself, which has earned me a reputation as a respectful and thoughtful host. These skills and values have made me a desirable and grateful person in various social circles.

One particularly humorous incident involved a housewarming gift from my mother, mistakenly attributed to my brother. Despite him not participating, the lesson about gratitude and manners remains invaluable. Today, I am more aware of the importance of authenticity and would never participate in any form of gaslighting.

Conclusion: Gratitude and Lessons Learned

While the influence of my narcissistic parents was complex, with both negative and positive effects, the lessons I learned from them have been invaluable. These teachings have contributed to my success, independence, and better social interactions. Even decades later, I remain grateful for the valuable lessons, despite my parents' narcissistic tendencies.