The Darker Side of Human Nature: Secrets We Keep

In the age of transparency and social media, it's easy to think that we share everything. However, there are still many secrets that we hold close to our hearts, never to be told to anyone we know personally. This blog post explores the intriguing idea of keeping a secret, its psychological impact, and how some of us may even test our boundaries with harmless acts of curiosity.

Why We Hold Secrets

Secrets come in all forms, from minor indiscretions to deeply personal traumas. We keep these secrets for various reasons: fear of judgment, the desire to protect others, or simply the fear of being exposed. In every case, the act of secrecy can be both a shield and a burden. As the quote goes, 'The best kept secret is one you never tell.' This notion is not just a cliché but a reflection of the complex emotional landscape within us.

The Psychology of Secrets

The act of holding a secret, especially one that involves a breach of trust, can take a toll on our mental health. According to psychologist Jordan Peterson, 'Holding a secret can create a kind of mental corruption.' This is because our minds are prone to distort reality to maintain the illusion of trust. The more we tell ourselves that the secret is nothing to be ashamed of, the more we convince ourselves that we've done nothing wrong.

The Game of Keeping Secrets

Just like in the game of gaslighting, some individuals may play with the concept of secrets to deflect from their own. When asked a question they don't want to answer, they may respond with a rhetorical question, in a way that gets them out of the original topic. For instance, if someone asked about a personal secret, the response might be, 'Why do you want to know?' This shift in focus often leads to a deflection and a change in the topic of conversation, as exemplified in the following scenarios:

Personal Example: A Backpacking Incident

One such instance, which occurred about 45 years ago, involves backpacking in the mountains with friends. While swimming in the creek, one friend left her backpack open, and I noticed a bag of dried apricots. Curiously, I took some. At the time, I thought it would be interesting to experience what it felt like to steal from a friend. However, the act of stealing brought about a strong sense of guilt. Despite the ethical dilemma, I couldn't resist the sweet taste of the apricots. Some time later, it occurred to me that the friend may have left the backpack open to test me, and I passed the test with flying colors.

Another Scenario: A Cheese Thief

Another less harmful but equally intriguing example involves a nightly ritual of stealing cheese from the refrigerator. Every night, I sneak cheese out of the fridge, solely to enjoy the delightful aroma. My mother, who often suspects the presence of a rat, wonders if there might be one. However, a rat cannot open a refrigerator, so the mystery remains. I am careful to put the cheese back after a thorough sniffing, knowing that if my mother discovers the truth, she might have a minor heart attack.

Reflecting on Our Secrets

It's essential to reflect on the secrets we keep and why we choose to keep them. Sometimes, these secrets can be trivial, like in the case of the cheese. Other times, they can reveal deep psychological insights. The act of honesty can bring us closer to ourselves and others, while the act of secrecy can create distance and confusion.

Ultimately, the decision to share or keep a secret is a complex one, influenced by a variety of factors. Whether it's for moral reasons, personal gain, or a desire to protect others, each secret holds its own unique story.

Conclusion

Keeping secrets, whether small or significant, is a natural part of human behavior. It allows us to navigate the complexities of social interactions and personal relationships. While some secrets may seem harmless, they can also unveil deeper truths about our character and the nature of our connections with others.