Is Living Separately in Marriage Acceptable?

Listen, adult human beings are capable of deciding what they want in their lives. I’m not saying it’s a healthy choice for a marriage, or that it works for everyone, but then, for someone, it probably does. Let people do whatever they want, so long as it isn’t hurting anyone.

Marriage as a Personal Arrangement

Marriage is a highly personal arrangement, and what works for one couple might not work for another. Living separately while being married can be acceptable if both partners agree to it and find it fulfilling. Some couples choose this arrangement for various reasons, including:

Personal Space

Individuals may value their independence and personal space, which could contribute to a healthier relationship.

Work or Lifestyle

Careers, children from previous relationships, or personal commitments may make living apart more practical.

Quality Time

Focusing on weekends for quality time can enhance the enjoyment of the relationship, allowing for special experiences together.

However, it's essential to maintain open communication about needs, expectations, and any potential feelings of loneliness or disconnect. Regularly discussing the arrangement can help ensure that both partners feel satisfied and connected in the relationship. Ultimately, the key is mutual agreement and understanding.

Not a Common But Not Unheard Of Arrangement

Not common, but not unheard of. A client of mine, when I ran an accounting service, was married to a man with a business in a different city. She had her business, and he had his. They would alternate weekends, spending time at each other’s places. During the school term, the kids were with her during breaks, and during breaks with their father.

Since both ran their own businesses, they had flexibility to take long weekends when they wanted. The challenge, however, was the cost of airfare, particularly on weekends when the kids travelled as well.

I first knew them around 30 years ago, and they had been running this travelling weekend arrangement for over 20 years given that they had 3 kids. At the time I knew them, the oldest was 18.

I asked her about it once, and she said it was the best relationship she could imagine. They had regular sex, both made really good money, and you didn't have the other partner messing up your house or your regular social life. That was 40 years ago. I wonder how they are doing in retirement.